Dear Diary: Depression, therapists, and homework

OK, I decided it's time to start including a bit more of myself into this blog. So this post isn't about books (I mean, there will probably be mention of books because books = life, but still...) but instead a bit of a conversation between friends, eh?

I was seeing a therapist to help with my depression back in the fall, but then I got the first bill and had a bit of sticker shock ($199 per visit!?!?!) so I quit seeing her. I had a rough time over the holidays and into the new year, so I got back with my doctor and got back on an anti-depressant, and she encouraged me to start seeing my therapist, Susan, again.

I told Susan about how I'd started this blog since seeing her last, and boy was she proud of me. It got me thinking that, you know, I'm pretty proud of me too. I've started a lot of blogs, like I've started a lot of projects (crafts, journals, writing books...) and I usually come in hot and then fizzle out fairly quickly. I'm really proud that I've kept up with this blog for over 3 months. I started Nov 8, so yesterday was my 3 month blogiversary. :)

Susan and I agreed that for the next 90 days, we're working on two things: my self-confidence, and what I call "adulting." My homework until my next session is to:

• Take a 20 minute walk 3x/week
• "Adult" for 20 minutes 3x/week (spend 20 minutes doing laundry, dishes, cleaning the bathroom...)
• Keep track and figure out what my dominant thought is - what is the thing I tell myself most often?

That dominant thought thing is really tripping me up. I've been paying more attention that that little voice in my head, and so far... it mostly just sings a lot, LOL. I must have had about 3 or 4 different songs stuck in my head so far this morning. Maybe that's because today is a good day? I just know that voice is a real jerk sometimes. Susan asks me hard questions like "Where does that voice come from? Is it your voice, or someone else's?" She also asks things like "What motivates you?" Boy, I do not know the answers to these questions. She also assures me I'm really funny, but my humor is of the self-deprecating variety and I think owes a lot to tone and timing, so it's hard to show you how funny I am in a blog post. ;)

Aaaaanyway. She encouraged me to share some about me and my life in my blog, instead of just many many book reviews, so here we are. Now I need to think of something to call these little nuggets of personal insight. My son James (age 3) just asked me "What are you going to build?" I told him it's a blog. "But, it's not a house! You have to start over. You have to start over right now. Come onnnn, start over." Haha, that's so funny he chimes in with that just when I'm thinking what to call these type of posts. (And no, James, I'm not starting over!) Hmm... I think we'll just go simple: